Sexual orientation, gender identity and diverse relationships

Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to sexually.

Different sexual orientations can include, but are not limited to:

• Heterosexual / straight: Attracted to the opposite sex
• Homosexual / gay / lesbian: Attracted to the same sex (lesbian refers to women that are attracted to women)
• Bisexual: Attracted to both men and women
• Pansexual: Attracted to anyone, regardless of their gender identity
• Asexual: Don’t feel sexual attraction (but might feel romantic attraction)
• Demi-sexual: Sexual attraction that follows a close emotional bond
• Graysexual: People who rarely, but sometimes, feel sexual attraction.

To understand gender expression and identity, we first need to define a few key terms:

• Sex: is someone’s biological status defined at birth, with a classification of male, female, or intersex.
• Gender: is a social construct of norms, behaviors and roles that varies between societies and over time. Gender is often categorized as male, female or nonbinary.
• Gender identity: is someone's own internal sense of self, whether that is male, female, neither or both. Unlike gender expression, gender identity is not outwardly visible to others. Gender identities can include, but are in no way limited to:
  • Cis-gender: aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth (e.g. born female, feels female)
  • Trans-gender: differs from the sex assigned at birth. A trans-male, for example, is someone who was listed as female at birth but whose gender identity is male.
  • Non-binary: describes people whose gender identity does not fit into the categories of man or woman.
  • Gender queer: describes people who do not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.
  • Gender fluid: applies to a person whose gender identity changes over time.
• Gender expression: refers to how a person presents gender outwardly, through behaviour, clothing, voice or other perceived characteristics. Society identifies these cues as masculine or feminine, although what is considered masculine or feminine changes over time and varies by culture.
• Gender dysphoria: refers to psychological distress that results from a difference between someone's sex assigned at birth and their gender identity. Not all trans people experience dysphoria, and those who do may experience it at varying levels of intensity.
• Transitioning: A process a person takes to bring themselves and/or their physical body into alignment with their gender identity. This process usually includes ‘living as’ the gender they identity with, and can include taking hormones and/or seeking surgical intervention, often called gender-reassignment surgery.

Pronouns are how we identify ourselves apart from our name (for example, me or I), and how people refer to you in a conversation (for example, he or she), whether you are present or not present.

Pronoun configurations include:

• He/Him/His
• She/Her/Hers
• They/Them/Theirs
• She/They or They/She
• He/They or They/He
• Ze/Zim/Zirs

The easiest way to establish someone’s pronouns is to introduce yours, and ask about theirs:

                “Hi, my name is Mary, I use she/her pronouns. What about you?”

Using the correct pronouns is a really simple way to affirm someone’s gender identity. Using the correct pronouns is a crucial way to openly show someone you accept and respect them.

Don’t worry if you get it wrong, apologise and move on!

The traditional way to think of intimate relationships is to think about them in terms of monogamy, whereby there is both emotional and sexual exclusivity between partners, and no other sexual or love relationships are undertaken.

Monogamous relationships include:

• Cohabitation or common-law / living together as a couple
• Civil partnerships or marriage
• Living apart but romantically together
• Sleeping apart in the same house, but remaining monogamous to one another

It is, however, becoming more and more common for people to undertake relationships that are both consensual and non-monogamous, including:

• Polyamory: Being in a loving, committed relationship with more than one person
• Thruple: When three people form a committed relationship
• Polygamy: Being married to more than one person (not legal in the UK)
• Ethical Non-Monogamy/An Open Relationship: An agreement within the context of a relationship that sexual and/or romantic connections can be made by each partner outside the relationship
• Swinging: When people in a relationship have sexual connections with people outside the relationship; swinging usually happens together.